Monday, October 19, 2009


Life is full of adjustments. When I put my mother in a nursing home in April, it was decreed that only 5 pairs of shoes were allowed. Now my Mama had some fine shoes for her long narrow foot--11AAA--and it seemed such a shame to dispose of the extra shoes because I know she had struggled to find these special shoes. I took in a couple of extra pairs, but when I looked again---the number was 5. My shoe size is almost the same as hers--10.5 AA, but usually I get what is closest to fitting .....I took some of her shoes home to Vermont and have worn a couple of pairs. When I turned my ankle I was trying to walk in my Mama's shoes and look what that got me! I am adjusting to the change in footwear. I have cast off the cast and now I am booted. It is much wider than my foot and thus awkward, or am I even more awkward than before? I am adjusting to couch sitting and am happy with my hand woven blanket that I made for sale many years ago and no one bought, so it is now mine for using and so warm! I need to find warmth. I am not moving around/making things/dancing to warm myself. I am huddling under this blanket typing away trying to make connections and understanding with.....myself. I did make it upstairs and started some small sewing projects. I have quite a fabulous collection of fabrics dyed in excellent colors waiting for inspiration to unfold them. I began today, but it is slow going for me and I must adjust to my healing slowness, my considered and thoughtful forward movement because my right foot is encased in this large boot, unbending, not my mother's shoes, but something even stranger and that foot is precious. I want to return to the dance of one who can leap and dash and bound and keep tempo with that life I was living before the misstep. Yet I also am so thankful for the things I am adjusting too, the slowed up life, the lessons sinking in, and the help of those who come to sit at my side and bring me that cup of tea.

Today my brother called to say how delighted my mother was with her new shoes. It was only Sat when I sent off a box with many delights since I will be missing the celebration of her birthday ---I'm not fit for a 13 hour drive just yet!--In this box was a pair of her shoes with the note reminding her that they were hers. She had them on and was so pleased with the "new shoes" as reported by my brother, but no socks, because she couldn't find any! Yet she was happy and at peace. Small things can make such a difference...just sorry I didn't stick socks in the time, yes!

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